Imagine liking a person so much and finally falling for him. Imagine that even the simplest things that has done makes you happy. A simple SMS, a simple reply via Facebook even a simple embrace will make your world stop.
You would wish that everything would fall into place and you will be together. You may have some second thoughts as he may also be seeing someone else and that is a possibility. It is a nagging feeling since you are not a couple per say. But hearing it directly from him and choosing you as the one to tell it to... it felt like my world has ended.
After he had said those words, I just couldn't react. He kept on telling me how he know this guy for a year and from there he already knew that he would like him to be his partner. He kept on telling me how this guys told him all his dark secrets. He kept on telling me how he and this guy have a lot of similarities. How they talked about rabbits and other random stuff. He told me that it was quite scary that they have a lot of things in common. He was so happy as he told me all of these things. I felt like a mountain fell on top of me. I thought to myself "Somebody shoot me right now...". I just want to disappear into nothingness. Feeling a martyr, I just acknowledged all those things. I never mentioned that I was happy for him but I think I never showed that it affected me. Bring out my poker face.
He even told me the times when the guy slept over his place and he did the same. How he wanted the guy to befriend his mom so it will be legal. Even the stuff that I wouldn't want to know... now I know it all. I felt like a drowning person trying to look for something to cling upon. I was able to change the topic about his work... at least.
He really hated his job due to a tyranical dicatator of a boss. According to him, IT doesn't (i will use IT as I also have a similar boss before so I perfectly understand) even appreciate his works. It only wants what it wants. That is the reason why people are leaving the company. He is planning to move to the most prestigious advertising agency in the country. I truly wish him luck in this endeavour. He then told me that he doesn't want to choose between love and career. I wish he will choose career but that would make me a terrible person. He wants to have this dream job and have this person to be along him for support... I will support your career wherever it will go... If he only knew.
I did try to make myself happy as I talked about how his works which I am really impressed. Being as an art lover, I told him that I was happy to know someone with his talent. He would show me his works one of these days. That made me smile at least.
I never realized that it was 4 hours of talking. I never wanted it to stop but he noticed the time. It was the 1st time for us to have a talk this long. He said his apologies since I still have work but I really didn't mind. I told him that I would want to have a conversation like this anymore (sans the lovelife I hope, but I think that is quite impossible). As an ending note, he said that he never told these stories to anybody yet except for me. That gave me the impression that I was a person whom he finds trustworthy and his comfort zone. Albeit I find it as a complement, I just couldn't believe that he chose to tell me out of all of his friends.
I was the wrong person to know all of these things! What have I done to deserve this? Is it because I gave 200% effort in the process of knowing him? I looked stupid trying to play badminton just to see and know him and now he drops this bomb on me...
He thanked me as we parted ways and again said his apologies. I hadn't had a normal sleep since that time...
Miss Universe 2010 is just around the corner... I should be excited... I am not...
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